What's some of your original wit, wisdom and/or philosophy?

[44Squatch]

Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a Club and a Spade.

Not my original wit; but worth passing along.

 

[Ride1949]

Also not mine, but it sounds resonable.

 

[southernbuck101]

The only thing that doesn't hurt is chilling in my recliner. Any level of function requires 800of Motrin, 1,000 of Tylenol, 2 Flexeril, a #3,5 or 10 every few hours. Things really need to make me feel alive to put myself through that. My wrists have been fused from a 30' fall about 30 years ago. My spine has been fused from my Pelvis to L3 for 20 years. My left knee replaced last year. Every other joint in my body has some level of arthritis. I can tune it out when I'm out doing things and need a few days to recover. I'm going to keep going till I don't. I even still manage to pull off epic every now and then. If God chooses to take me in my sleep it would be a mercy. Until then I'm going to live every chance I get.

God still has plans for you,Sir.
And I will add that you are one tough and headstrong individual.
I block out the pains of old age somewhat myself.
But not to the extent you are capable of.

 

[davevabch]

God was at his meanest when he had dog's to live a short life.

 

[Mega Twin]

You can't make hay sitting in the shade.

 

[wolfsong]

Here's another of my observations at work: "Prison - the place where you wash your hands BEFORE you use the restroom."

 

[32magfan]

I have two basic rules about where I will live:
1) The restaurants must know how to make real "sweet tea". This generally means below the Mason-Dixon Line…
2). When you are leaving town, there can be no signs on any direction that read, "Hurricane Evacuation Route".

So far, these have served me well.
32Magfan

 

[mr surveyor]

"It's not the fall that makes it hurt ..... it's just that sudden stop"! (I did the rodeo thing a little bit in my younger years)


jd

 

[Snake45]

"Nothing is impossible to the man who doesn't have to actually DO it."

 

[Ray Newman]

No matter how good the hand washing soap smells, never leave the restroom smelling your fingers.

 

[epags]

My father's advise (sex talk) to me: "Lookie, lookie but don't touch the cookie."

My philosophy (see signature below)

 

[epags]

Here are actual "old" West Texas country/western songs (as cataloged by a Dallas Cowboys media type many years ago):
1. I hear you been layin' my ol' lady (Jerry Jeff Walker).
2. Get 'yer biscuits in the oven and 'yer buns in the bed (Kinky Friedman).
3. How come it takes me all night long to do what I used to do all night long?
4. My wife ran off with my best friend...and I miss him.
5. If 'ya want 'yer beer reeeel cold, put it next to my ex-wife's heart.
6. Pissin' in the wind. (Jeffy Jeff Walker)

The list was 30-something songs long, but these are the only ones I recall right now.

How about: I have tears in my ears from crying over you.

 

[epags]

Love is blind....AND stupid.

Been there and done that at age 52. Don't ask because I am not going to tell.

 

[Jeepnik]

Another one from my sig line. This one from the "old" sarge. "Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark". This was from one if those how to sneak out when thing have gone terribly wrong in the air courses.

Turned out I never had to but found it applied to other times as well.

Old guys, even the twenty four year old ones were pretty smart.

 

[Ride1949]

If you want to make GOD laugh, tell him of your plans.

 

[Johnny-Baseball]

How about: I have tears in my ears from crying over you.

And then there is:
1. I gave her the ring, and she gave me the finger.
2. I got a face if you need a place to sit.

The list goes on forever, "...and the party never ends."

 

[KIR]

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn't it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down at most to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"
The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"
The Air Bus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."

 

[RC44Mag]

I only WISH I'd said this one, but it's attributed to George Patton. Seen it quoted several different ways, but the gist is always the same:

"Never tell people what to do. Tell them what you need done and let them amaze you with their ingenuity."

Let old blood and guts try that with todays youth, his hands would be swollen bigger then hams from slapping them all day long

 

[Sapo]

If you're not early, you're late.

 

[eveled]

Here is one I just made up.

Elbow grease is expensive when you buy it.